Ils sont fous ces français, or "Harry Potter and the Mean-Spirited Translator"

So this is something I've been meaning to comment on for a while. It all dates back to my early days as a languages student where, in a valiant effort to raise my French reading skills above that crucial dividing line between "very bad" and merely "bad", I started reading Harry Potter in French. Given that I pretty much knew the books by heart in English, this meant I could more or less follow the French word-for-word without too much difficulty. This did teach me a lot of words I wouldn't have learned otherwise ("The baguette chooses the wizard, Mr. Potter") but aside from that I soon realised there was something much more insidious going on.

Now, I'm fully aware that translators are occasionally allowed to play fast and loose with original material, as certain things can't be translated directly from one language to another. What I hadn't seen before when reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire in French was the translator inserting dialogue and paragraphs that straight out DON'T APPEAR in the English. And I don't mean elaborating on a particular term that French readers might have trouble with - I mean adding in irrelevant sentences that all serve a single sinister purpose - making fun of the English!

The Potterheads among you will know that this particular installment sees the arrival of a bunch of French students. While in the English there is a certain amount of cultural humour in place, in the French edition the Beauxbatons students constantly flat-out mock the Hogwarts students for not being able to understand them properly.

Here are some examples I've picked up, and I am genuinely at a loss as to why the translator has done this.

EXHIBIT #1

Here's an extract from Chapter Nine, "The Dark Mark". Harry, Ron, and Hermione are blundering around with everyone else at the Qudditch World Cup in the wake of the titular Mark's appearance. At one point they run across some French-speaking students:

Fairly straightforward, right? A typical French-English encounter. However in the French the translator goes a bit further. It starts off OK, more or less following the English up to "turned and said quickly":

When the French girl speaks, however, she says a lot more than J.K. Rowling originally had in mind:

Approximate translation:

"This is simply unbelievable!" she exclaimed. "What kind of organisation is this? Where is Madame Maxime? We've lost her! Come on, do something!"
"Er - what?" said Ron.
"He doesn't understand a word, that one," said the curly-haired girl, turning her back on Ron.

Then it goes back to following the English:

Now what the hell was that bit in the middle all about, Mr. Translator? We know he doesn't understand French, no need to rub it in.

Could be a one-off though, right? Sadly not. Once the Beauxbatons students arrive at Hogwarts we're treated to a hilarious exchange between Dumbledore and Madame Maxime.

EXHIBIT #2 

First, the original:

Short and sweet. However, in the French -

It's OK up as far as "Warm up, I think" ("Meu reuchauffeu queulqueu peu" - the words in French are deliberately misspelt to give Maxime an accent), but then it goes completely off-script. This one doesn't really translate into English, but I'll do my best:

"Warm up, I zink, what a goood idea. my dee-ar Dambleudore," agreed Madame Maxime. "But 'oo iz going to take care of my 'orses?"
"Your hair is styled to perfection," Dumbledore assured her gallantly.
"Dambleudore, what a joke you make!" exclaimed Madame Maxime, shaking with laughter. "I meant the 'orses on my coach..."
"Ah, your horses! Yes of course, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher will be delighted to take care of them..."

Basically, the humour comes from mishearing two very similar words in French, 'cheveux', meaning hair, and 'chevaux', meaning horses. French Dumbledore clearly doesn't have an ear for accents. Very funny, but again, why is this even in here?

Still, twice is only a coincidence. You need three to make a pattern. Oh, wait -

EXHIBIT #3

Here we meet Fleur Delacour asking for some bouillabaisse. Not much you can do with that, is there? The French version begs to differ. It follows the English up until "very white, even teeth" ("des dents très blanches, parfaitement régulières").

 Then it's back to ripping on the English for their abysmal language skills:

Ron went purple. He looked at her, opened his mouth and babbled:
"The bouba... the boubaliaisse... The bailloubaisse..."
"Bouillabaisse," she corrected.
"Bouba... boubia..." stammered Ron.
"You don't seem to have much of a gift for foreign languages..." the blonde-haired girl said impatiently. So, have you finished with this bouillabaisse, yes or no?"
"Yeah," Ron said breathlessly. "Yeah, it was... it was excellent."

While it's certainly true that the English capacity for learning foreign language is atrocious, do you really need to shoehorn in exchanges like this? Interpreting the original text to deal with certain nuances is one thing - this linguistic piss-taking is a step too far.

Before wrapping up, I just wanted to point out one non-linguistic discrepancy between the two versions, namely the flagging-up of plot holes. Now, who remembers the classic night-time escapade where Harry gets trapped in a trick staircase on his way back from solving the egg clue in Chapter 25? He's hidden under the Invisibility Cloak, but he's dropped the Marauders Map and the egg, attracting the attention of Snape, Filch and Moody. Harry can't reach the Map to wipe it clean, and watches in horror as Snape almost discovers it...

Hooray! Moody to the rescue! Let's move on! However, nothing's going to get past the French translator:

Here's the translation - the new bits are highlighted:

Snape reached out to pick it up. A horrible expression appeared on his face: clearly, he was beginning to understand...
"Accio parchment!"
The map flew up, slipped between Snape fingers as he was about to seize it, and floated up into Moody's hand. Harry bit his lip. When his foot had sunk through the step, he had been overcome by panic and had tried in vain to wipe the map clean with his wand, without even thinking of using a Summoning Charm to recover it! What an idiot!
"My mistake," Moody said calmly, "It's mine. Must have dropped it earlier."

While the not-so-subtle jabs at English-speakers show a bit too much experimentation with the text, I think we can agree that Harry could do with a Quel idiot! comment from the narrator every now and again. You're slightly redeemed, Mr. Translator.

So there you have it - the French readers of Harry Potter have been secretly making fun of the English for the past 16 years! Hope they've had a good laugh - we're onto them now though.

So yeah, that was all I wanted to say. Now you can spend Christmas safe in the knowledge that the French and English translations of Harry Potter are, in fact, slightly different. Hope it was worth it!

Oh yeah, all copyright belongs to their respective owners, I suppose.

BONUS JAB

One final piece of snark from Fleur:

Everything is fine in the French up until "Meester Bagman" ("...mon cher monsieur Véerpé").

I'll leave you to figure out her closing remark.